Identity and Resilience in Nonprofit Leadership

My grandmother would have turned 104 this year. Throughout my childhood, she had a phrase she'd repeat to her grandchildren, especially when we were heading out the door to school, a friend's house, or anywhere that mattered: "Remember who you are and what you represent."

As a child, this meant that we should have high expectations of ourselves and that our behavior reflected on the whole family.

As an adult, I’ve come to see multiple layers in the phrase.  One important one, that I work to instill in my own children, is that they have family members and ancestors who have done great things; therefore, they can also have big accomplishments.

As a consultant working with nonprofit leaders, I find myself thinking about her words often—but with another twist. The question isn't just "do you remember who you are?" but "do you actually know who you are?" In our sector, where the work is deeply personal and the stakes feel existential, that question becomes surprisingly complicated.

The Identity We Don't Choose Consciously

Here's what I've observed after years of working with nonprofit executive directors, CEOs, and other senior leaders: most of us don't consciously choose our professional identity. We fall into it. We absorb it. And sometimes, we wake up one day and realize we've become something we never intended.

I learned this the hard way in my first adult nonprofit role.  My identity became inseparable from the organization.  I made big life decisions based on being able to serve the mission better.  And when things at the organization became complicated, I just worked harder and harder until I burned myself out twice. 

The first time I reached burnout and resigned, I allowed the board to persuade me to come back.  After all, I was a key employee and many areas of the organization would struggle without me.  I kept going on fumes for another 10 months or so, and even accepted the roles of first interim ED and then full executive director before reaching burnout a second time.

It was awful.  It took about three months before I could even focus enough to apply for a new job.  All in all, it took me years to fully process that experience, reach closure, and figure out how to avoid ending up in the same place again.

That experience also taught me that there are meaningful differences in how we construct our professional identities—and those differences have real consequences when life inevitably throws us a curveball.

Three Identities, Three Different Outcomes

Take care here. The differences between these identities are subtle but profound:

1.The "Do-Gooder"

This person's identity centers on creating positive change in the world. Their north star is impact, however they define it. When crisis hits—a layoff, organizational closure, or leadership transition—the do-gooder experiences grief and disruption, certainly, but they pivot relatively naturally. They ask: "Where else can I make a difference?"

Strengths: Resilience, adaptability, mission clarity that transcends any single organization.

Watch out for: Can become spread thin across too many causes. May struggle with the deep focus required to create systemic change. Sometimes undervalues the importance of institutional knowledge and staying power.

2.The "Nonprofiteer"

This person's identity centers on the nonprofit sector itself—its unique culture, challenges, and ways of operating. They understand the specific constraints of mission-driven work: the board dynamics, the funding complexities, the balance between impact and sustainability. When crisis hits, they look for another nonprofit role. They know their skills are transferable across organizations and causes.

Strengths: Sector expertise, professional networks, understanding of nonprofit-specific challenges (including all those finance and accounting peculiarities that are my bread and butter).

Watch out for: May unnecessarily limit opportunities by staying only in the nonprofit sector. Can become cynical about "nonprofit problems" without recognizing them as organizational problems. Sometimes struggles to see how skills translate beyond the sector or that they can do good outside of it.

3.The "Key Employee"

This person's identity is fused with a specific institution. They are "the executive director of Sunshine Community Services" or "the CFO at Riverside Arts Coalition"—not just professionally, but personally. Their reputation, their sense of purpose, their daily rhythms, and their social world are all deeply embedded in this one place.

When crisis hits, this person experiences profound loss. They don't just lose a job; they lose themselves. They struggle to imagine who they are outside this context. They may stay too long in unhealthy situations. They may resist necessary transitions. And when they finally leave—voluntarily or otherwise—the recovery period is long and painful.

Strengths: Deep commitment, institutional knowledge, willingness to go the extra mile because it's personal.

Watch out for: Fragility when circumstances change. Difficulty seeing beyond one context. Risk of burnout. And here's the part that matters most to boards and stakeholders: this identity fusion actually makes someone a less effective leader over time.

Why Leaders Are Especially Vulnerable to Becoming that “Key Employee”

If you're an executive director, CEO, or senior nonprofit leader, you're at higher risk for this kind of identity fusion. And it makes sense why:

• The weight of leadership makes the organization feel inseparable from you

• Your decisions affect not just programs but people's livelihoods

• The community often sees you as the face and voice of the mission

• Board members and funders may (consciously or not) encourage this fusion—it feels reassuring to them

• The 24/7 nature of the work blurs boundaries between personal and professional

• Mission-driven work carries moral weight that makes it harder to maintain healthy distance

I see this often in my consulting work.  One leader I know poured themselves into their organization.  Over about five years, they managed to more than double the organization’s budget through skillful fundraising and grant writing.  Staff grew and so did impact.  But they had difficulty delegating and hearing feedback from the board, eventually leading to a complicated ending to their employment.  In the end, they got seriously hurt and so did the nonprofit.

The Organizational Cost

Here's what many leaders don't realize: when your identity becomes too fused with your organization, you don't just put yourself at risk—you put the organization at risk too.

Leaders who over-identify with their organizations often:

• Resist building strong succession plans (because imagining the organization without them is impossible)

• Struggle to develop and empower other leaders (because it threatens their sense of indispensability)

• Make decisions based on personal ego rather than organizational or mission need

• Become unable to see problems clearly (because criticizing the organization feels like self-criticism)

• Stay too long past the point where fresh leadership would serve the mission better

My grandmother's wisdom applies here too: you need to know who you are so you can serve what you represent. The organization's mission is bigger than any of us.

Building a Healthier Identity: Practical Steps

So how do you honor your deep commitment to your organization and its mission while maintaining a healthy, resilient sense of self? Here are strategies I recommend to the leaders I work with:

1. Develop and Document a Succession Plan

Yes, even if you plan to stay for years. Even if you're the founder. Especially if you're the founder. A succession plan isn't a sign that you're leaving—it's a sign that you're leading responsibly. It forces you to see the organization as something that exists independently of you. And honestly? It should be a relief. If the place can't run without you, you've built something fragile.

2. Deliberately Develop Other Leaders

Your job includes making yourself less necessary. Build up your team. Delegate meaningful authority. Create opportunities for others to represent the organization publicly. When someone asks, "Can we meet with the executive director about this?" consider whether someone else on your team could handle it.

This isn't just about succession—it's about recognizing that you are not the sole repository of the organization's value and expertise.

As an added bonus, when you do this, you’ll find that you have more time for other critical activities like:

• Strategic meetings with donors, grant makers, and other key supporters

• Catching up on your big list of projects and activities that you’ve been putting off “until I have more time.”

• Taking that long-overdue vacation.

3. Build and Maintain a Strong Peer Network

You need relationships with people who knew you before this role and will know you after it. You need peers in other organizations who can provide perspective when you're too close to a problem. You need friends who don't work in nonprofits at all, who can remind you that there's a whole world beyond this sector's particular concerns.

These relationships aren't luxuries—they're professional necessities. They keep you grounded. They provide reality checks. They remind you who you are beyond your job title.

4. Protect Work-Life Boundaries

I know, I know—easier said than done. It certainly wasn’t easy for me.

But here's the thing: if your entire life is your work, you're not bringing your best self to either your work or your life. You're bringing an exhausted, narrowed, increasingly brittle version of yourself.

What does balance look like? It might mean:

• Actually taking your vacation days (and not checking email constantly)

• Having hobbies and commitments outside of work

• Setting and keeping boundaries around evening and weekend work

• Investing in relationships that have nothing to do with your professional role

5. Always Have a Plan B

This is the question I encourage every leader to sit with regularly: "What would I do if this organization disappeared tomorrow?"

Not because it will. But because you need to know that you'd be okay if it did.

Do you have skills that would transfer elsewhere? Do you have a financial cushion? Do you have a sense of what kind of work would bring you meaning if this particular opportunity went away? Have you kept your professional skills current and your network active?

If the honest answer to these questions makes you anxious, that's valuable information. It suggests that your identity has become too dependent on this one role, this one place.

6. Regularly Check In With Yourself

Here are some reflection questions to help you confirm whether you’ve made progress:

• When I introduce myself at a social gathering, what do I say? (If it's only your job title, that's a red flag.)

• What do I do for fun that has nothing to do with work?

• When was the last time I felt successful at something outside my professional role?

• If someone criticized my organization, would I be able to hear it objectively, or would it feel like a personal attack?

• Can I imagine myself doing something else and still feeling fulfilled?

Remember Who You Are

My grandmother's advice was wisdom for a lifetime, not just for childhood. Remembering who you are means knowing who you are—not just your title, not just your organization, but your core self with all its values, capabilities, and potential.

In nonprofit leadership, this isn't about being less committed. It's about being committed in a sustainable, healthy way. It's about serving the mission without sacrificing yourself on the altar of the work. It's about building organizations that are resilient precisely because they're not dependent on any single person's identity.

The paradox is this: the more clearly you know yourself apart from your role, the better you can serve within your role. The boundaries aren't barriers—they're the foundation for longevity.

So I'll ask you the question my grandmother asked me, but with a nonprofit leader's twist:

Do you remember who you are and what you represent?

And more importantly: Do you know the difference between the two?